Say my name…say my name
10/10/11

I hope you enjoy me working through my Beit Din questions, because guess what?  I’ve got a few more to deal with.  My next conversion meeting is next Tuesday so get your Jewish Learning life vests on, we’ve got some swimming to do.  Today’s question isn’t so bad, at least not when it’s compared to the last question I gave you.

If you could pick a Hebrew name today, what would it be and why?

I should confess that the moment that I decided to convert I began searching for a name for myself.  I’ve gone back and forth several times on a few different names.  It’s hard giving a name to anything, especially yourself.  A couple of weeks ago, though, I landed on what I’m pretty sure will be my Hebrew name.  I’m almost scared to tell anyone what it is for fear that I’ll change it with my next breath.

I love my given name.  My name is Jeremy Ashley.  My mother named me after her favorite character in Gone With the Wind.  While I enjoy that I’m named after a handsome character in one of my favorite books, I’m not super excited to be named after a wimp.  AND?  When you’re in first grade and you’re discovering the world and how things work?  When you share with your first grade class that you’re middle name is Ashley?  And you’re male?  AND you live in The South?  AND the person (read GIRL) seated next to you is named ASHLEY?  Things get complicated.

See how early we learn the power and magic of a name?  I learned early (First Grade!) that my name wasn’t right.  Ashley isn’t a boy’s name.  I was given a girl’s name.  How could my mother have gotten it all wrong?  How could this have happened?  Learning to love my name is maybe the great metaphor of my life.  I learned to love my girly middle name and myself, but I will never forget the power of giving or carrying a name.

The Hebrew name that I’ve chosen is Noah Lior.

Why Noah?  First off?  It’s one of my favorite names.  Period.  Since I’m not planning on having children?  I figured…I could give the name to myself.  Maybe I’ll live to regret this?  Maybe not.  I guess we’ll have to wait and see.  I also love the story of Noah and the flood.  He built a giant boat because Gd told him to and filled it with animals.  That’s crazy!  The story is also a crazy display of faith.  Gd said build a boat, y’all, so pass me some nails.  I love that.  The story also brought us the rainbow.  I think it’s beautiful that Gd sends the rainbow as a sign that everything is going to be alright.  Every time I see a rainbow I think of Noah’s story and how Gd is still saying “it’s gonna be alright, y’all.”

The more I think about the story of Noah, the more I feel that in some way it is my own story.  Noah built a giant boat and traveled from one world to the next.  He didn’t understand why.  He just did it.  He was compelled to do what he was told.  I feel that imagery in my own life.  I’m building a boat.  I’m getting in it and in a few months when I get out of the Mikvah?  I’ll be in a new land.

Why Lior?  There are a few reasons.  I want to honor my biological mother in some way through my name.  I can’t name myself Laura, so I picked a name that starts with L to honor her memory.  When I found the name Lior, it actually reminded me of the name Laura because the feminine form of Lior is Liora.  Very similar.  The name Lior means I have light, which is a pretty great image, especially when you combine the idea of Noah landing in a new world.  So there you have it.  We’ll see if I change it before I formally take it on.

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The Days of Ow!
10/05/11

Whew.  If you’re like me?  The Days of Awe have been more like The Days of OWW!  I’ve been running around going to services, working, baking, traveling.  It has been a lot.  I’m tired, y’all!  I should probably be in bed. If only.  If I’m going to answer all of the questions for my Beit Din before my next meeting with my Rabbi?  I’ve got to get to work!  So, I figured I’d throw one out there for us to think about.  So it’s conversion question day!  Maybe one day I’ll ever get to cook for myself again and hand out a recipe or two?  Maybe.

How do you imagine G-d?

I know, right?  Can you believe I have to sit in front of people and answer this question?  That’s a lot to take in.  G-d.  At first this question really scared me and I thought I should save it for the end.  Then I decided that it was best to get it over with.  So, here goes.  I used to imagine G-d as the old man on a cloud behind the pearly gates.  You know that old imagery.  I’m sure at some point or other we’ve all had that picture in our mind. He’s up there making decisions and answering prayers.  Maybe that’s because that’s what we’re taught as children?  At least that’s what I was taught.  Though I always saw everything through grand fairytale, storybook glasses when I was a kid, so this Disney version makes sense.

I don’t think of G-d as a person so much any more.  I think of G-d as a force.  Maybe that sounds goofy.  It’s hard for me to quantify G-d.  I don’t know what G-d looks like and I’m having a far harder time trying to describe anything having to do with him/her.  The more I think about G-d the less I know what to say.  I try not to think of G-d and what form he might take.  I try to just think of him/her as the thing that is in control.  What I do know is that G-d exists.  I know because of how incredibly lucky (blessed) I am.  I think that’s it for me.  I see G-d in the blessings.  I see him in the lessons (even the junk I don’t like).

Oprah has a really nice way of talking about G-d.  She says that he starts by throwing pebbles at you.  Those are the moments in your life where you see little coincidences.  The times when you have a certain feeling or intuition about something.  When you don’t pay attention G-d starts throwing small rocks to get our attention.  If you still aren’t getting the message?  The rocks (messages) get bigger until  he eventually drops a boulder on your head.  No, I don’t think G-d is throwing rocks at me, but I do think that I’m getting guidance every day and sometimes it comes in whispers and sometimes I get a message as big as a mountain.  Maybe that’s it.  Maybe G-d to me, how I see him, is as a guiding force or light in my life.  The way things come together or don’t and the lesson in that.

What about you?  How do you see G-d?  Do you?

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When I dip, you dip, we dip
09/28/11

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My hubby is saying musaf, which is an additional service said on holidays, shanbat and rosh chodesh, both days of Rosh Hashanah this year. He’ll stand before the small congregation in the Chabad house (conveniently located next to a head shop) of this North Carolina mountain town we find ourselves happily in this holiday season and proclaim his love both for Hashem, the community and our people. But, before he can truly feel ready to do all that he had to dip. Now I’m not talking apples into honey though we have big plans for that over the next several days. No, I’m talking the big dip—-taking a plunge into the mikveh, literally translated as a collection of water, to cleanse and purify. The requirements of a true mikveh are pretty intense. A mikveh must consist of a natural spring or well of naturally occurring water, and thus can be supplied by rivers and lakes which have natural springs as their source. It is usually found in the form of a bathing facility in a local synagogue that remains in ritual contact with a natural source of water, yada yada, you get the picture. Needless to say, this small town doesn’t have one. But, what this small town does have plenty of are natural rivers, lakes and creeks. It’s not hard finding a natural body of water in the mountains but it is a little hard finding a secluded spot for a traditional dip (read: naked dip). After driving for a bit we settled on a gorgeous spot in a national forest (thanks government!) and well, there was some dipping. It wasn’t hard connecting to Gd in this pure place and it got me thinking just how much I haven’t been paying attention to the beauty of this season lately. As much as I work surrounded by my fellow Jewish community members and as much as “doing Jewish” is embedded in most everything I do, I feel like this Rosh Hashanah season might be passing me by before I have time to truly give thanks for the incredible gift that is my life . I mean heck, I didn’t even make one thing outta apples and post it to this here kosher food blog. Nevertheless, I have 3 days of reflection (and eating) ahead of me and with the dipping of today, the dipping of apples into honey tonight and the pride I feel for this huge honor my hubs is about to undertake, well, I think it all means I’m ready to be present this Rosh Hashanah. Shana Tovah—to a sweet new year filled to the brim of peace and goodness.<

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